A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?"

"We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

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A woman was with her boyfriend in her bedroom when she heard her husband coming up the front door.

In a panic she told her boyfriend “Hurry, stand in the corner and do not move until I tell you to. Just shut your eyes and pretend you’re a statue.”

“What’s this, honey?” Her husband asked walking into the room.

“Oh, it’s just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “Our neighbours bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”

They went to sleep and then around four o’clock in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and came back with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

“Here,” he said to the statue, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the neighbours’ for 2 days and nobody offered me so much as even a glass of water.”

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Good Italian Girls

A young Italian-American girl was going on a date.....

Her Nonna said: "Sita here ana letame tella you about those-a younga boys.

He's agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat ... but don't let him do that.

He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likea dat too... but don'ta let him do that.

But most important, he's agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna likea dat, but don'ta let him do that.

Doing that willa disgraca the family.

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date. The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted:

"Nonna, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family!"

Nonna fainted!!

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Me and my wife decided we don't want children

we will be telling them tonight.

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A young Greek couple are about to get married.

Before the nuptials, the young woman’s mother pulls her aside for a quick chat.

“Now you’re about to be married,” begins the mother, “...and Greek men are known to prefer sex in a very specific way so at some point, he may ask you to ‘turn around’. I want you to know that it’s ok to say no if you don’t want to do it that way.”

The wedding day comes & goes and there’s no ‘turn around’ request from her new husband. No request on the honeymoon nor through their first year. No special request for their 1st anniversary, or their 2nd.

Halfway through their 3rd year, her husband says “You know....if you want, you can turn around and we can try this a different way”.

The woman says “No no no! My mother warned me that this day might come and she told me I never have to do that if I don’t want to!”

The husband replies “That’s fine with me....but I thought you wanted kids one day”.

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My Italian Grandfathers favorite joke about a woman who doesn't want sex

Hopefully this joke translates to English. It was my grandfather’s favorite.

A woman goes to see the doctor with complaints of a low sex drive. She tells the Dr “My husband wants me to get medicine so I’ll want sex as much as he does”, Doc tell her no problem he will give her the same hormone pills the Olympic weightlifting team uses . He confidently explains, “all of them want to have sex multiple times a day”

2 months later the woman returns to doctor in tears: “Now I want sex all the time but my husband doesn’t want to have it with me, because I’ve grown hair on my chest.”

The surprised doctor asks her: “How far does the hair go down?”

Woman replies: “All the way to my balls. That is another thing I wanted to talk you about”

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A guy halts his car near a prostitutes.

„How much for a blowjob“ he asks. „50“ she answers. „Great, hop in“ he says.

She gets in the car, takes the $50 and gets down on him. After she‘s done, the guy says „That was so hot, here‘s another $100 just for you.“ She‘s surprised but pleased. She takes the money and gets out of the car.

The next night, the guy halts with his car near the same prostitute and asks „How much for fucking?“. „200“ she replies. He agrees, she hops in the car and they drive off to shag somewhere in a dark alley. When they‘re done, he thanks her for the great sex and gives her additional $150. Again, surprised but pleased, she leaves him and he drives off.

The next night, the dude shows up again and asks the same prostitute „How much for anal?“. „300“ she replies. He agrees, she gets in his car and they drive to the same dark alley and get freaky. After they‘re done, he gives her additional $200.

„Why do you keep giving me that much money?“ She asks. „Are you Mary Smith from Greenville who moved out last year to become an actress?“ „Um… yes… why?“

„Your mother says hello and sends you $1000“.

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