So I took down his confederate flag
Thứ Bảy, 7 tháng 8, 2021
I was at a job interview today...
When the manager handed me a laptop and said,
“I want you to sell this to me.”
So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home.
Eventually he called me and said, “Bring my laptop back now.”
I said, “£200 and it’s yours.”
A wife is having a gangbang with three men, one of them is deaf
Her husband walks in, so one hides in the closet, the second under the bed and the deaf man hides in the balcony.
The husband opened the closet, and yells who the hell are you, the man says I’m the handyman, I’m fixing your closet, you owe me 100 bucks. He gives him his money and send him on his way.
The husband then looks under the bed and yells who the fuck are you, the second one says I’m also a handyman and I was fixing your bed, so the husband gives him another $100 and let him leave.
The deaf man then storms into the room, and yells, I fucked her too, that’ll be a $100.
Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.
"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword
The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to my next incarnation on the wheel of life. Strike, if that is your wish, I will not resist."
Inigo's face darkens, he brandishes his sword, steps forward one quick light step, and thrusts the tip towards his unprotected bare chest. A hair's breadth from flesh the sword stops, quivering slightly in the fresh mountain air. Slowly Inigo lowers his sword. "This doesn't feel right."
"Indeed for the sutras tell us 'vengence is settled through non-vengence' you have received enlightenment and---"
"No I mean it's very anti-climatic. I spent 10 years studying fencing, I squeezed rocks for 2 hours a day to make my wrists strong, I spent another 2 hours in skipping and dodging and moving quickly to improve my footwork, 2 hours each day of sprinting as fast I could to make my legs fast and strong and every other waking hour learning the sword. I'm the first swordsman to be ranked 'wizard' since Bastia and now you're not going to try to defend yourself? Even running away would be better."
"I'm sorry but I have renounced violence."
"You should have done that before you killed my dad. Can't you unrenounce it? Just for a little bit? I promise it won't take long."
"Well..."
"You owe me; you took my father and scarred me for life, i was only 10. Doesn't your Budda preach making ammends?"
The monk exhales heavily "If it's truly what you desire, I'll get my sword."
And so later in the self-same courtyard, in the temperate Himalayan sunshine, they face each other; the old monk and the last sword 'wizard'. Inigo attacks, a dazzling display of passion and panache, sliding with ease from one style to another: Agrippa; Bonetti; McBone! The six-fingered sword flashes and dances in his hands like sunlight on a sparkling Himalayan stream while the ix-fingered man's sword barely moves, dull and sluggish like the estuarine Ganges, spent by its long journey, turgid with the sewage of a hundred flesh-pots, longing for the final oblivion of the sea.
"This won't do" Cries Inigo, putting up his sword, again on the point of running the six-fingered man through. "I've lived only for this moment ever since you took Domingo from me. Fight properly."
The old monk breathes a deep breath and regains some of his composure, again they duel, this time there is some of the old mastery and speed in the older man's swordplay but it is without passion, lacklustre. Inigo disarms him in 5 seconds flat.
"Pick it up" Inigo says coldly switching the six-fingered sword to his left hand "I'll waste no more of my talent upon you." he sets to again but this time without the magical skill of the wizard. He hacks like a butcher, ugly coarse strokes, the sight of which seem to pain the old master more than the jarring impact as he guards. "You murdering, cowardly bastard." Inigo sneers "I needn't have bothered learning fencing for a hack like you, a pickpocket with a homemade shiv would be more of a challenge, you ugly, mutated, freak."
The sudden change takes both of them by surprise, a fire lights the old monks eyes for the first time in the fight as he attacks, stamping forward and taking the young Spaniard completely off guard. The monk's blade dives towards his heart and he knows he cannot stop it. The most he can hope for is a wild thrust from out of position that can never reach before he's run through himself, but might just avenge him and his father. Then just as his sword is about to strike home the six-fingered man turns his blade and instead fends off Inigo's hopeless counterattack then instantly flows into another attack.
Without thinking once, in a kind of trance, Inigo blocks him and finishes the fight with 3 simple but masterly moves. He transfixes the six-fingered man upon the six-fingered sword Domingo Montoya forged for him with supreme artistry all those years before.
"Why did try to fend off first, instead of just thrusting? You had me cold and I know you were fighting for real then" says Inigo, dazedly "not just humouring me"
"Well" says the monk, with his dying breath "You always get more karma for riposting."
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