Send him a picture of a naked grandma, then send him a picture of your boobs. He just needs turning off and back on again.
Thứ Tư, 11 tháng 8, 2021
An old joke I can't find on Reddit. Here we go...
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable." The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly... com-for-da-bull."
2 college students accidentally miss the math final exam
The next day they both went to plead with their professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both showed up he told one of them to wait outside while he tests the other. So one enters and the other puts his ear to the door to listen. The professor begins asking the question:
“You are riding in a trait cart and you get too hot. What do you do?”
The student replies “I open the window.”
“Ok. Now that window is 2 feet wide and 3 feet high. The train is traveling 50 mph going north and the wind is blowing at 15 mph due east. How long will it take for new air to replace the old air in the cart?”
The student is clearly confused at this impossible question and just answers “I don’t know”. So the professor gives him an F, dismisses him, and calls in his friend.
He begins asking his friend “you are riding in a train cart and it gets too hot. What do you do?
He says “I take my jacket off.”
“Ok. But its still too hot. What do you do?”
“I take my shirt off.”
“I understand but its very, very hot.”
“I will just get naked.”
“Ok. But there’s a guy in front of you getting a hard on by watching you strip naked!”
The student replies: “Professor, the entire train can fuck me in the ass I am NOT opening that window!”
My grandma told me this one
A butcher goes to a barber for a haircut. When it’s time to pay, the barber declines, saying “I’’ feeling generous today, you don’t need to pay for this one”
The next morning someone knocks on the barber’s door. When he opens, it turns out to be the butcher, carrying some sausages and other meat products. He says:”This is as a thanks for the free haircut yesterday”
A few weeks later, a baker gets a haircut from the same barber, who again decides not to have him pay. The next morning the baker gifts the barber three fresh loaves of bread.
Another few weeks pass and a well-known politician who lives in the area enters the barbershop. The barber once again decides that the man doesn’t need to pay.
The next day, there’s another knock on the barber’s door. When he opens he is faced with the politician, along with his wife and children as well as several of the politician’s friends.
The barber, thinking the politician organized a party for him, says:”Hello! How can I help you?”
The politician replies: “They’re here for a free haircut”
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you," she replied.
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
Father replied, "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next please!"
Albert Einstein was sitting next to a man on a train
Trying to break the boredom, Einstein said "let's play a simple game, I ask you a question, if you can't answer, you give me $5, then you ask me a question, if I can't answer, I give you $500"
The man thought for a while and then said ok
Einstein starts by asking the man "what's Newton's third law?"
the man didn't know, so he gave Einstein $5
Then it was his turn to ask Einstein, so he says: "What goes up a mountain with one leg, and goes back down with three legs?"
Einstein spent a lot of time thinking before he decides to give up, giving the man $500
"but what's it?" asked Einstein
"I don't know" said the man, giving Einstein $5
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)