Because, you can't take the Lords name in vein.
Thứ Hai, 16 tháng 8, 2021
Two girlfriends talk
- So, Stacy, have you tried ... you know ..., the other hole with your boyfriend?
- Are you crazy?! We don't want any kids!
Chủ Nhật, 15 tháng 8, 2021
Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.” Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."
[Remembered this one earlier today and realized I haven't seen it on r/Jokes in a long time.]
A man is sitting in a new sports car when a little girl pulls up beside him on her new bicycle she just received for Christmas. She knocks on his window, which he rolls down to see what she wants.
"Wanna race, mister?" she asks, ringing her bell and twirling the elastic streamers on her handlebars.
"Sure," the man laughs. The light turns green and he floors the pedal. The car takes off like a shot and he leaves the little girl in the dust.
A few seconds later though, he sees something gaining on him in his mirror, fast. He just barely catches a glimpse of the little girl on her bike as she shoots past him. "She must be going 80 miles per hour!" he shouts, and shifts into a higher gear, pushing the car even faster.
He quickly blasts past her as if she were standing still. But again, just a few seconds later, she shoots past him, now doing over a hundred miles an hour on her little bike. Going so fast, sparks and smoke are streaming from her training wheels.
After another few seconds, he comes to a curve where he sees the little girl crashed in a heap on the side of the road. He pulls over and jumps out to see if she's okay. Miraculously she's survived. So he asks, "Why did you go so fast?"
Just as she falls unconscious, the little girl replies, "my streamers got caught on your mirror!"
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