None. I am screwed, lightbulb is screwed, the whole fucking world is screwed
Thứ Ba, 17 tháng 8, 2021
An atheist goes to heaven
Baffled and full of questions he is being shown around by God.
"Why am I here? I am an atheist."
"That does not matter, all good people end up here."
As they pass by a gay couple kissing the atheist wonders
"Isn't that a sin?"
"That does not matter, all good people end up here."
They come by a Buddhist Monk, silently meditating.
"Wait, so you even take in people who believe in other religions?
"That does not matter, all good people end up here."
Surprised, but intrigued the atheist looks around - when one last question comes to his mind
"But where are all the Christians?"
"In hell"
A flat earther dies and goes to heaven.
At the gates of heaven, St. Peter says to them, "Before you enter the gates of heaven, you may ask god one question."
The flat earther asks, "God, is the earth flat?"
God responds, "The earth is 100% a globe."
The flat earther exclaims, "Holy crap! This conspiracy runs deeper than I thought!"
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As the husband was walking to the door, the wife yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
Husband turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
My wife is an economist and I am an engineer.
I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, “Hey sweetheart, why don’t you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby minimizing total distance travelled?”
Well don’t you know, she loved my suggestion!
It used to take her 11 minutes to make her breakfast… now I do it in 5.
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