Everybody
Thứ Ba, 24 tháng 8, 2021
A few hours ago I dropped a piece of ice
It slid under the refrigerator. I was really upset at first but now it's water under the fridge.
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks for bottom deodorant.
The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the woman they have never sold bottom deodorant. The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter, that she has been buying the stuff from here on a regular basis, and would like some more.
The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing full well that they don't stock or sell such an item, smiles at the blonde and says, "One moment please, I will get the Pharmacist." The pharmacist looks at the blonde and says, "Can I help you miss?" "I would like to buy some bottom deodorant please," says the blonde. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "Yes!" Said the blonde, "I will go and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to the woman, "This is just a normal stick of under-arm deodorant". The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."
It is 1939 and a Soviet army is marching on Finland
As they pass the border, they hear a Finnish voice over the hill -
"One Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!"
The Soviet general laughs, as he sends 10 men on the hill to capture it.
There is gunfire for a minute and then everything goes silent for a moment, and they then hear the same voice -
"One Finnish soldier is better than a hundred of yours!"
Annoyed, the Soviet general sends hundred men to capture the hill. There is gunfire and bombs going for ten minutes, and everything goes silent again. Suddenly, the same voice yells out -
"One Finnish soldier is better than thousand of Soviet soldiers!"
Enraged, the general sends a thousand men, accompanied with tanks, artillery, mortar teams, and tells them to not return until the hill is theirs.
For half an hour hell breaks loose, bombs and explosions, gunfire, screams and death all around, and then it goes silent again.
One Soviet soldier crawls back, severely wounded and battered.
Before the general could say anything, the soldier says -
"Do not send more troops, comrade general, it's a trap! There is two of them."
Thứ Hai, 23 tháng 8, 2021
An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced!”she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”
She calls Ireland immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way"
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