Q: What does a selfish cow say?

A: Meeeeee

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A couple wants to have sex but their son is in the house.

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie " with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities...

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"An ambulance just drove by!"

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike!"

"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

"Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced... "The Coopers are having sex. Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.

Dad cautiously called out..."How do you know they're having sex?" "Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

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What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt

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The Taliban has promised they WILL require a Covid Vaccine Pass

- from all individuals who are seeking to attend public executions.

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A man downloaded a calculator app, but needed to pay extra to unlock the plus button

He had to pay in order to use additional features

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A man goes to see a psychologist

He sits down, and the doctor pulls out some cards with some abstract inky blots on them. "I'm going to give you a a Rorschach test, please tell me what you see."

He holds up the first one. The man says "a naked lady"

The doc holds up another one. The man says "a naked lady with a dick"

The doctor holds up a third and the man says "two men fucking each other in the butt".

The doctor then exclaims " my God, your mind is filthy!"

The man replies "My mind? You're the one showing me all these dirty pictures!"

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A woman goes to the doctor..

And she asks him: "Doctor, I always wanted to have bigger boobs, but I'm so afraid of surgeries. Isn't there any other option?"

The doctor remains silent for a moment, observes her from top to bottom, and replies: "Well, I think I might have something that can help you out."

"Amazing doc, what is it?" The woman replies.

"So, you take a bit of toilet paper, and every morning you rub it between your boobs for about a minute"

The woman looks surprised and asks him how that would ever work.

The doctor says: "I honestly don't have a clue but it seemed to have worked for your ass!"

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