This was three months ago and it still hasn't arrived ?
Thứ Sáu, 3 tháng 9, 2021
A wife is complaining about her husband spending all his time at the local tavern, so one night he takes her along with him.
"What'll ya have?" he asks.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replies.
So the husband orders a couple of Jack Daniels and gulps his down in one go.
His wife watches him, then takes a sip from her glass and immediately spits it out.
"Yuck! It tastes awful, worse than awful!" she splutters. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go!" cries the husband. "And you think I am out enjoying myself every night!"
Thứ Năm, 2 tháng 9, 2021
Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well. You won't recognise the house when you get home - because we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved 25 miles to Wexford.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery. Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle. Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short while and they've already made him a court martial!
Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin Distillery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.
I'm sorry to say that your idiot cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.
I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days Monday was so windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.
We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on your grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.
About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday.. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He wound down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the flatbed at the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time.
Nothing much has happened.
Your loving Mum.
P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.
A man meets his Tinder date at a carnival.
"There's so many games!" he said, "What do you wanna do?"
"I wanna get weighed." she says, shyly looking at the ground.
They go to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins a stuffed animal.
"What next?" he asks.
"I wanna get weighed." she says, confidently looking at him.
They return to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins... nothing... The vendor has a good memory.
"What now?" he asks, a bit annoyed at the repeat activity.
She looks at the man, holding his gaze and carefully says "I. Wanna. Get. WEIGHED."
He ends the date right there and storms off.
Dejected, the girl goes home to her roommate, who asks, "How was your date?"
She throws the stuffed animal to the ground and shouts, "Wousy!"
Stalin is giving a speech, and someone sneezes.
Stalin looks up from his notes and says, "Who sneezed?" No-one says anything.
Stalin has the first row taken away by KGB to be shot. "Who sneezed?" he asks again. No-one says anything. He has the second row of the audience taken away by the KGB to be shot.
"Comrade Stalin, I sneezed!" Says a man in the third row.
Stalin looks at the man and says; "Bless you."
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