I have an addiction to brake fluid.

The good news is I can stop anytime I want.

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What’s an example of a palindrome?

Daughter: What's an example of a palindrome?

Dad: Mom.

Daughter: Ugh. Fine. Mom, what's an example of a palindrome?

Mom: Dad.

Daughter: OHMYGOD WHY WON'T YOU GUYS HELP ME

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I saw an old man dip his balls into glitter

It was pretty nuts

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I bought a book called "how to scam people on-line"

This was three months ago and it still hasn't arrived ?

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A wife is complaining about her husband spending all his time at the local tavern, so one night he takes her along with him.

"What'll ya have?" he asks.

"Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replies.

So the husband orders a couple of Jack Daniels and gulps his down in one go.

His wife watches him, then takes a sip from her glass and immediately spits it out.

"Yuck! It tastes awful, worse than awful!" she splutters. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"

"Well, there you go!" cries the husband. "And you think I am out enjoying myself every night!"

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I'm hosting a charity event for men struggling to ejaculate.

If you can't come, let me know.

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TIL Texas is called the lone star state

because it was the minimum allowed in a 5 star rating system

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