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Chủ Nhật, 5 tháng 9, 2021

A man takes a walk with his new girlfriend who he's been dating for three months

About 20 minutes into the walk, they pass a park and see two bunnies mating. The woman says "how does the male bunny know that the female bunny is ready for sex?" The man says "it's natural, the male can smell it".

The couple continues to walk for another 20 minutes and they pass a forest where they see two deer mating. The woman says, "how does the buck know that the doe is ready for sex?" The man says "it's natural, he can smell it".

They walk for another 20 minutes where they pass a field of cattle and see two of the cattle mating. The woman says "how does the bull know that the cow is ready for sex?" The man says, "again, it's natural. He can smell it".

They finish their walk and the woman drops the man off at his place. She kisses him goodbye and says, "you should get tested for COVID-19". The man said "what makes you say that? We're both vaccinated, right?" The woman says "you may have a breakthrough infection because your sense of smell is clearly not working."

The women of King Arthur's court must have been very happy

They Camelot

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Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

An Australian, and Irishman and a Brit were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out:

My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.

The Irishman calls out across the lounge: "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus"? Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am Jesus", he says.

Well, the Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him: "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me". The bartender pours Jesus a Guinness. Jesus looks over, raises his glass in thanks and drinks.

Then the Australian calls out: "Oy you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus or what?" Jesus nods and says: "Yes, I am Jesus". The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a pot of Fosters for Jesus which Jesus accepts with pleasure.

The Brit then calls out: "Oii whack, would you be Jesus"? Jesus smiles and says: "Yes, I am Jesus". The Brit beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a Tom Collins for Jesus, which the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the table.

Finally, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches our three friends. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement:

"Oh God! The arthritis is gone! The arthritis I've had for years is gone! It's a miracle"! Jesus then shakes the Australian's hand, thanking him for the lager.

Upon letting go, the Australian's eyes widen in shock: "By jingo mate, the migraine! The migraine I've had for 40 years is completely gone it's a miracle"!!!

Jesus then goes to approach the Brit who says: "Back off, mate! I'm on Disability"!

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer