Barack Obama walks into a bar, but he is invisible. After attracting the bartender’s attention, the bartender says "Ok, I'll bite. Why are you invisible?"

Obama says "Well, I found a bottle on the beach and...then I rubbed it." "And then...importantly...A genie came out." "The genie said I could have...3 wishes."

For my first wish, I said "Let me say this, and this is profoundly important...I want Michelle to marry me...I love her,...and I think America will love her too." That wish was granted.

For my second wish, I said "Like all patriotic Americans, I am deeply patriotic...and I want to be President...of the United States...so I can serve my country." That wish was granted too.

And then, for my third wish, I started by saying "Let me be clear..."

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An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.

The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.

The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"

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How to make Americans take vaccines

Tell them immigrants are coming to America to take all their vaccines.

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Why are murders in Kentucky so hard to solve?

Because there are no dental records and all the DNA matches.

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Two american jewish men send their sons to Jerusalem to learn about their culture.

A year later the two are having a chat:

-- I am so disappointed in my son, I don't know what to do... Once he returned, he claimed to have become christian!

-- My son as well, this is a tragedy.

-- We should go see our Rabbi, maybe he can guide us.

The two then visit the Rabbi and tell him their stories, to which he replies:

-- Unfortunately, I'm in the same boat as you two. I sent my son to Jerusalem a few years ago and he also became christian. Only God can help us now, we should pray to him!!!

So they start praying:

-- Please help us God, we sent our sons to Jerusalem so they could learn about our culture, but instead they returned as christians!!!

God thinks for a while and says:

-- You guys won't believe, but 2000 years ago I too sent my son to Jerusalem...

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[NSFW] A woman walks out of the shower...

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says:

"Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

The boyfriend: "Yeah...the drain is clogged again."

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What is a pdf file

And why is my uncle under arrest for being one

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