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Thứ Năm, 9 tháng 9, 2021

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her I said no.

I can't deal with high maintenance women

My girlfriend left me because of what she described as my "weird pasta fetish"

Now I'm feeling cannalonli

Today, I shocked the hell out of the postman by opening the door completely naked.

I’m not sure what surprised him most: my nudity, or the fact that I know where he lives.

In her tinder profile she said she's 32 but also that she has the body of a 16 year old.

But when I asked if I could see a photo she said I need to wait till tomorrow as she is naked and doesn't want to go to the freezer in the basement when it's already so late.

Nobody will upvote a cake joke on cake day anymore

Feeling desserted

Having sex with me is like microwaving food at 3am..

The longest minute and a half of your life

The Bocelli leather shoes.

Gennaro is in this country for only 6 months. He walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them. Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Gennaro seizes this opportunity to wear his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her 'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?' Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Gennaro, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?' Gennaro answers, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes. How do you like them?'

Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks,’’Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?' Rosa answers, 'Yes ,Gennaro, I do, but how do you know that?' He replies, 'I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes. How do you like them?'

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Gennaro asks Carmela to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red. He states,' Carmela, be stilla my heart, please please tell me you wear no panties tonight, please, please, tella me this is true!'

Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Gennaro, I wear no panties tonight.'

Gennaro gasps, 'Thanka God...I thought I hada CRACKA in my $300 Boccelli leather shoes!'