A young man and his date

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker, and I charge 20 dollars for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a Uber driver, and the fare back to town is 25 bucks.”

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Teach a man a joke, and he will laugh for a day.

Teach a redditor a joke, and they will repost it for a lifetime.

It's cake and y'all know the rules!

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A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where’s mom and dad?"

She replied, "They're up in bed," so the little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma the same question. She replied with the same answer and the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play.

Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma, "Where's mom and dad?"

Once again his grandmother replied, "They're still up in bed," and the little boy started to laugh again. The grandmother asked, "What's wrong? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! What is going on here?"

The little boy replied, "Well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue instead."

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Can I take a skin graft from my butt and put it on someone who isn't related?

ass skin for a friend

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Do you smoke?

Lady: Do you smoke?

Guy: Yes I do.

Lady: How many packs a day?

Guy: 3 packs.

Lady: How much per pack?

Guy: $10.00 per pack.

Lady: And how long have you been smoking?

Guy: 15 years

Lady: So 1 pack is $10.00 and you have been smoking 3 packs a day which puts your spending per month at $900. In 1 year, it would have been $10,800. Correct?

Guy: Correct.

Lady: If 1 year you spend $10,800, not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending total at $162,000. Correct?

Guy: Correct.

Lady: Do you know if you hadn't smoke, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have by now bought a Ferrari?

Guy: Oh. Do you smoke?

Lady: No.

Guy: Then where's your fucking Ferrari?

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What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes.

What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

^{btw I waited 1 whole year to tell this joke}

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If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date,

chances are... you have small boobs.

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