Jewish Mom buys a new apartment

She calls her son once she is moved in and is gushing about what a nice place she has and invites him to come see it. Of course he agrees so she starts giving him directions on how to get there. "Once you park, head straight through the courtyard and you'll see a buzzer for the apartments. Use your right elbow to hit 3B and I'll buzz you in. When you get inside walk over to the elevator and use your knee to push the UP button. Then use your left elbow to hit 3. I'm the apartment at the end of the hall. Kick the door 3 times and I'll come open...

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The wife of a very rich man dies from illness.

To honor her, the widower announces a big funeral in his huge resort, where everyone they knew is invited. The guests arrive, and after the first day is over, everyone is preparing to go to sleep. As there are not enough rooms to accommodate everyone, the widower had 2 grand salons prepared with beds, one for the women and one for the men. Amongst the men, there were also 2 gays, which were planning to have sex that night, but also wanted to remain discrete. So the first one proposes to ask for water during the night and if no one answers, the...

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A lady dwarf goes to her gynecologist for her annual check up.

"Any issues or concerns?", asks the Dr. "Well, now that you mention it, I have noticed that when it rains, my labia gets a bit red and sore." "That's very unusual", says the Doc, "Hop up on table and let me take a look." She does, and after a few minutes of checking he says she can get dressed again. "There doesn't appear to be anything wrong at the moment, but next time it rains, and you get the same reaction, I want you to come straight in. OK?" About two weeks later, after two days of steady rain, she's in a fair amount of discomfort and heads...

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A joke in memoriam to Norm MacDonald. Please tell it and make it as unfunny as possible before you hit the punchline.

So, a priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "sorry, we don't serve jokes here." They all nod and walk out and the bartender keeps cleaning glasses. A man carrying a frog and a tiny piano walks into the bar and the bartender looks up, sees them, and says, "hey, sorry, we don't serve jokes here. You're going to have to find someplace else." And the frog starts doing a little bit but the man stops him. "We're gonna have to busk somewhere else Fred," he says to the frog. And they leave. Then a talking dog...

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Apparently someone in London is stabbed every 58 seconds.

Poor bastard....

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Norm MacDonald died today

When he got to heaven, the angels told him it was mandatory that he take an eye exam to enter. And they all watched. He read it out loud: “E-I-E-I-Ohhh you guys are DICKS!” RIP Norm....

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Police found a dead body with sperm in its mouth...

I guess someone tried to inject new life into it...

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