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Thứ Năm, 16 tháng 9, 2021

A college student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch.

However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:

‘A swan shan’t be friends with a pig.’

‘Then I shall fly on,’ answered the student with a smile.

The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to fail the student.

At the oral exam, he gave the student the hardest questions, but the student had amazing answers for everything. Therefore, hoping he could still fail his victim, the teacher asked him a trickier question:

‘You’re walking on a road and you find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness. Which bag do you choose?’

‘The gold.’

‘Unfortunately, I don’t agree. I’d choose cleverness because that’s more important than money.’

‘Everyone would choose what they don’t have,’ says the student.

The teacher turns red, and he’s so angry he writes “ass” on the student’s paper. The student leaves without looking at the paper. However, he returns shortly, gives back his paper and says:

‘Excuse me sir, you signed my paper, but you forgot to give me my grade!’

In Britain we call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator".

I guess we're just raised differently.

Jesus and Moses walking on the beach.

So Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach and Moses says "you know Jesus it's been a long time since I parted the sea let me see if I can still do it". So he throws his staff down throws his arms up and nothing happens. Jesus says to him "why don't you try again it's been a long time". So Moses throws his staff down, throws his arms up and the sea parts, it was beautiful. So Jesus says to Moses "it's been a long time since I've walked on the water let me see if I still have it in me". Jesus walks out onto the water and sinks, he comes back up discouraged but Moses tells him it's been a long time and to give it another go. Jesus walks back out onto the waters and sinks again he comes back up and says "I know what the problem is last time I did this I didn't have these damn holes in my feet".

What do you call a flock of sheep tumbling down a hill?

A lambslide.

What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?

The ones in the casinos are serious.

When the pope was visiting America

He told the driver of his limo that he had the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man and would not ever dream of questioning the Pope’s authority. So the Pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.

They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80km/h, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: “Who is in the limo, the mayor?”

The policeman told him: “No, someone more important than the mayor”.

Then the chief asked: “Is it the governor?”

The policeman answered: “No, someone more important than the governor”.

The chief finally asked: “Is it the President?”

The policeman answered: “No, someone even more important than the President”.

This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: “Now who is more important than the President?!”

The policeman calmly whispered: “I’ll put it to you this way chief. I don’t know who is this guy, but he has the Pope as his chauffeur”.