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Thứ Bảy, 18 tháng 8, 2018

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

The pickpocket snatches your watch. The peeping tom does the opposite.

I got my best friend a fridge for his birthday,

I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.

Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Why are rich british people fat?

because they measure their wealth in pounds

What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe?

... Kilometre Cyrus

A man goes on vacation to Israel with his wife and his stepmother.

While in Israel, his stepmother died at the hotel.

The people there told him:

"Sir, if you want to bury her back in the United States, it's going to cost you $5,000 to bring back her corpse. But since she died at the hotel, we can do the funeral here in Israel for free.

The man immediately refused and said he would pay the $5,000 fee to do the funeral back home.

When in the USA, his wife came up to him and said:

"I really love what you just did for my mom. That proves me that you actually loved my mother and you respected her"

Man: Babe, are you crazy?! Those Israelis are the same people who buried Jesus and three days later he came back to life. I'm not about to take that risk with your mother.

What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.