And now we have countries...
Thứ Năm, 12 tháng 9, 2019
A guy goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, will you let me drink for free tonight?"
The bartender says, "Let me see and I'll consider it."
So the guy reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano and a hamster. The hamster sits in front of the piano and starts playing. And not just banging out "Chopsticks", the hamster is plays Chopin, some ragtime, and even some rock and roll.
After a few minutes the bartender says, "Okay, I am impressed. You can drink for free tonight."
As the bartender is pouring the guy a drink, the guy says, "Hey, if I show you something even more amazing, will you let me drink for free for a month?"
The bartender says, "Okay, but this had better be pretty spectacular." So the guy reaches into his bag again and pulls out a microphone and a frog. The frog sits in front of the microphone and begins singing along with the hamster playing the piano.
The bartender says, "Okay, I'm impressed. You can drink here for free for a month."
As all of this has been going on, another customer at the end of the bar has been watching. He walks over and says, "I'm a theater producer, and I'd like to buy that frog and put him in a show. Will you sell it to me for $500?" The guy says no. "$1000?". The guy still refuses. "Okay, will you sell me the frog for $5000?"
So the guy agrees, and gives the producer the frog for $5000. As the producer is leaving, the bartender says to the guy, "I can't believe you sold the frog! Surely it was worth more than $5000!"
"Not really." The guy says. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."
There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident...
There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The wife's face was burned severely. The doctor suggested for a skin graft, but unfortunately, the doctor had to inform her that they couldn't use any skin from her body because she was so thin. The husband then offered to donate some of his skin for the skin graft.
However, the doctor said that the only suitable skin was from his buttocks. They accepted, but requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter!
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the wife's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful beauty!
One day, she was finally alone with her husband & she wanted to thank him for what he did. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!”
He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I get plenty thanks every time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek."
Two statues were standing in the park, one, a nude man and one, a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years.
Two statues were standing in the park, one, a nude man and one, a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years.
One day an angel comes down from the sky and with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."
He looks at her. She looks at him. They go running behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel looks at his watch. "Um, you have fifteen minutes left… would you care to do it again?"
He asks her, "Shall we?"
She eagerly replies, "Oh! Yes, let's! But we should change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you shit on its head!"
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