My math teacher called me average...

How mean.

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I switched all the labels on my wife's spices.

I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.

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The kids asked what was for dinner and I told them "Scraps". They started crying. Spoiled brats, it's really hard to get food at the moment thanks to the panic buying.

And it was a stupid name for a dog anyway.

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I was blessed with a 9 inch penis

That priest is in prison now

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I logged into Facebook the other day and got a message saying "We value your privacy."

Well I know that. How else could you sell it?

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This guy is sitting in a bar when this beautiful super model walks in.

So after a few minutes, the guy walks over to her. He leans in and whispers in her ear " Hey can I smell your pussy?" The girl is irate, and she screams at him "What is wrong with you?! That's disgusting! How could you say that?!! NO! You cannot smell my pussy!!!" and the guy says " oh, well I guess it's your feet."

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I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him

Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog

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