Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me.

It was such a nice jester!

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My wife walked in on me while I was watching porn.

In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel. As my wife walks out again she says: "you should stay on the porn channel... you know how to fish."

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I buy my guns from a guy named T-Rex.

He's a small arms dealer.

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Why does China have the best baseball team?

Because they took out the whole world with one bat

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A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang

One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."

The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"

"I don't know"

"Actress?"

"I don't know."

"Singer?"

"I don't know."

"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"

The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."

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Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a r/nextfuckinglevel post)

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My wife is mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed down my stuff and right

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