- Hello, is this 911?
- Yes, what is your emergency?
- I called to inform you that you're 910 now.
Thứ Tư, 13 tháng 1, 2021
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police:
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
How do you get 20 Canadians out of a pool on a hot summer day?
Blow a whistle and say, "Everyone out of the pool, please!” How do you get 20 Americans out of a pool on a hot summer day? Blow a whistle and say, "For your own good and the safety of others, stay in the fucking pool!”
A woman tries getting on a bus but realizes her skirt is too tight.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind to unzip her skirt a little, thinking this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
She tries to take the step, but only to discover that she could not.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reaches behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
After becoming quite frustrated and embarrassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt more in order to allow more legroom to get on the first step of the bus.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her, picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! ! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times I kinda figured we were friends."
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