Monkey Who Does Great Sex

A young sexy woman passing by a pet shop saw a board -

"Monkey who does great sex".

She went in, bought that monkey & walked away with the Instruction Manual.

The Manual said 'Give a good bath to the monkey, then you take a bath. Make him sit on the bed and you lie down without wearing anything. Leave the rest to the monkey. Repeat all steps for repeat performance'.

Accordingly, the woman gave the monkey a bath, bathed herself and slept on the bed naked.

Monkey did nothing.

Disappointed, she again gave him a bath, had bath and lay down naked on the bed.

Again, the monkey did nothing.

She referred the Manual to check for forward path. It said : 'In case of no activity, call the shop owner for support'.

She called the owner & he arrived in 10 minutes. He asked the woman to lie down. He then smiled at the monkey and shouted...

*"I'm teaching you for the last time, watch carefully!!!!!!" *

Read More

r/jokes has a discord and you need to join!

Over 17k members! Come see reposts in real time!

https://discord.gg/jokes

Read More

Reposts...

r/Jokes has a search feature, input the title or punchline of your joke (before posting) and if it's been posted within the last month - please don't submit it.

Read More

“I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to step on the moon.”

“Neil before me.”

Read More

A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a Mormon are talking about their families.

The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The Mormon speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

Read More

Little Johnny went to confession.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?" "Please, Father! I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "Well what'd you get?" Johnny says "Four months vacation and five good leads..."

Read More

A middle aged man was talking to his elderly father

"I wanted to thank you dad, I remember when I was younger and first dating girls you gave me a piece of advice. You said 'good companion, good in bed, good mother - pick two'"

The father looked kindly at his son and nodded.

"Well, I feel like I have a good life. My wife is kind to me and a lovely mother to our three kids." The father nodded back to his son with a knowing look and replied.

"That's great son, but when I said 'pick two' I meant pick the second one."

Read More