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Thứ Bảy, 30 tháng 5, 2015

A small geographical difference

An elderly man walks in to the famous restaurant Lucas Carton in Paris with his girlfriend. He orders a bottle of Rothschild Mouton 1928. The waiter returns with a full bottle of wine and fill up a small amount in a glass for tasting. The man barely smells the wine before putting the glass down and stating: "This is not a 1928 Mouton!"

Soon, almost 20 people are standing around the table. This includes the chef and the restaurants owner. Every single one is trying to convince the old man that it is, in fact, a 1928 Mouton. The waiter then asks: "How can you be so sure this isn't a 1928 Mouton?"

The elderly man then states: "My name is Phillip de Rothschild, and I produce this wine!" The waiter then admits that the wine actually is a Clerc Milon 1928. "I could not bear the thought of us parting with the last bottle of Mouton 1928. You know, Clerc Milon is produced in the exact same village, with the exact same grapes, the same type of baskets and aged in the exact same barrels. The wines are exactly the same, the only difference is that the vineyards are on the other side of the village."

Rotschild turns to the waiter and says: "When you get home tonight, ask your wife to undress, and put one finger in each hole. Pull them out, and smell them. You'll then understand the importance of a small geographical difference."

A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.

First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."

"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.

"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."

Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."

"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.

"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."

Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."

"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.

"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"

A teacher asks his students to make a sentence with the word "contagious"...

...Sally answers, "Viruses are contagious."

"Very good Sally. Anybody else?", the teacher says.

Ben puts up his hand, "When I hear someone laugh, I like to laugh as well, because laughter is contagious".

"Thankyou Ben, that was a good example", replies the teacher.

Then Timmy puts up his hand. "Yes Timmy", asks the teacher.

"My neighbour was painting the outside of his house with a two inch brush, and my Dad said that it would take the contagious."

What do you get when cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

No text found

I used to think I was trapped inside a woman's body

Then I was born

Why did the cucumber blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

If Tiger Wood and Princess Diana played a round of golf who would win?

Tiger Woods! because he has a better driver!

I'll be in hell if you need me.