Confucius say: Nazi soldier who popular with ladies may be Hungaryan.

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A guy was walking to a bar...

...and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."

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Where do you find a dog that has no legs?

Where you left it.

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Theory vs reality

A boy comes home with the assignment of learning theory vs reality. So he asks his dad for help. "Ok son, ask your sister if she'd sleep with Justin Bieber for a million bucks." Kid comes back and says "Yeah dad she would." "Ok now ask your mom if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks." Kid ask his mom. "Mom said she sure would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks." Dad says "Now in THEORY we have two million dollars, in REALITY..... we live with a couple of whores."

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Why does it suck to work for the NSA during the winter?

Because if it snows, you can't call and say you're snowed in.

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I saved 15% on car insurance by switching....

The gear to reverse and pulling away from the accident

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Why can't mexicans play uno?

They steal all the green cards.

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