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Thứ Năm, 31 tháng 12, 2015

23 Of The Most Gut-Wrenching Breakup Songs From 2015

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Adele, "Hello"

Adele, "Hello"

Be honest, this song has made you cry at least a thousand tiiiiiiiimes. All hail Adele, queen of heartbreak. Long may she reign.

Real AF lyric: "I must have called a thousand times / To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done / But when I call you never seem to be home"

Crying emojis (out of 10): ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

XL Recordings

Jazmine Sullivan, "Forever Don't Last"

Jazmine Sullivan, "Forever Don't Last"

Like "Hello," Jazmine Sullivan's "Forever Don't Last" is a tearjerker ballad sung by a powerhouse vocalist. Unlike "Hello," "Forever Don't Last" doesn't try to whisk the listener away to a world of heightened emotions and melodrama. It trusts that warm, intimate, human-scaled drama is enough.

Real AF lyric: "And I tried to believe that we could make it / But trying don't work, so I just have to face that forever / Doesn't last too long these days"

Crying emojis (out of 10): ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Shane McCauley / RCA Records

Demi Lovato, "Stone Cold"

Demi Lovato, "Stone Cold"

"Stone Cold" is, hands down, the saddest song ever written about fiddling with your phone to avoid an uncomfortable situation. Demi Lovato takes a common, not particularly high-stakes situation — faking a text to avoid interacting with your ex — and imbues it with real seriousness and desperation.

Real AF lyric: "Give me the truth, me and my heart / We'll make it through / If happy is her, I'm happy for you"

Crying emojis (out of 10): ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Hollywood Records / Island Records

Troye Sivan, "Lost Boy"

Troye Sivan, "Lost Boy"

Troye Sivan’s “Lost Boy” is a glittery, synth-pop anthem for kids who are "too young to give in to forever," but still feel bad about the way they ended things.

Real AF lyric: "Yeah we knew from the beginning / That this wasn't never ending / Shouldn't stay too long / 'Cause we're both too young / To give into forever"

Crying emojis (out of 10): ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

EMI Australia


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Thứ Tư, 30 tháng 12, 2015

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

31 R&B Songs From 2015 You Need In Your Life

Janet and Janelle and Erykah, oh my.

Jeremih, "Oui"

Jeremih, "Oui"

Recommended if You Like: That perfect combination of elegant piano and madcap hi-hats. Oh, and Jeremih’s cooing falsetto.

Def Jam

Maliibu N Helene, "Starin’ at It"

Maliibu N Helene, "Starin’ at It"

Recommended if You Like: Irresistible, playful bops with sweet guitar samples.

youtube.com

Miguel, "Coffee"

Miguel, "Coffee"

Recommended if You Like: Sultry and lush pillow talk jams. Somehow Miguel can make songs sound both homemade and stadium-ready.

RCA Records

The-Dream, "That’s My Shit (ft. T.I.)"

The-Dream, "That’s My Shit (ft. T.I.)"

Recommended if You Like: Terius being Terius, crooning a simple croon over a beat that fucking snaps.

youtube.com


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What's E.T. short for?

So he can fit in his spaceship.

These Old Greyhounds Use An Elevator To Get Around And It Is The Sweetest Thing

Yaeger, Julius, Katie, and Manfred are so over using the stairs.

Yaeger, Julius, Katie, and Manfred are four greyhounds who live in St. Petersburg in Florida.

Yaeger, Julius, Katie, and Manfred are four greyhounds who live in St. Petersburg in Florida.

Yaeger (top left), Julius (top right), Katie (bottom left), and Manfred (bottom right).

Sheila Venturini

His friends, Katie and Manfred, find stairs baffling and upsetting. Only Julius understands the concept of stairs.

Katie

Sheila Venturini


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Dad joke heard at the beach

Recently, I was on vacation and at a beach and a father and his kids were playing catch in the water next to me.

This kid who had to be about six or seven yells out, "dad, I'm going to try some trash talk. Ready? Your skills are as rusty as a tin can! Get it dad? trash talk?"

I was dying. That kid is going to make a great dad.

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said thank you. I said don't mention it.