I mow grass at a cemetery.
Thứ Sáu, 8 tháng 4, 2016
This morning I was beaten by a woman in an elevator.
I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please press one?" I don't remember much after that.
Thứ Năm, 7 tháng 4, 2016
A joke for married golfers
Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's your name?"
"It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.
"John," she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky robe) "forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on now," Elizabeth insisted.
She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive ... I was weak. "Well okay," I finally agreed but thought to myself, "my wife won't like it."
After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd best go now."
"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. "She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still under the cart, I guess."
[Long]Three Toronto surgeons were playing golf together
and discussing surgeries they had performed..
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Ontario. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident;
I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.
The second surgeon said.. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident;
I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold Medal in track and field events in the Olympics.
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs”. Several years ago a man was high on cocaine and marijuana
and he rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour.
All I had left to work with was the man's blonde hair and the Horse's ass.
I was able to put them together and now he's running for President of the U..S.A!"
Where do Robots go for fun?
The Circuits!
(this is a joke i made up when i was like 10, i don't think it ever caught on)
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying loudly.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying loudly. A young guy walks by, sees him, and says "Hey buddy, what's wrong?"
The old guy replies, "I'm married to a smoking 18 year old hot nympho! (sobs) She fucks me in the morning, she fucks me during the day, she fucks me at night,(sobs louder) it's non-stop sex, sex, sex (sobs uncontrollably)!
Young guy says, "Geez, old man, that's awesome, why are you crying?"
"I forget where I live!!"
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