I just sit there, shaking my fist.
Thứ Bảy, 16 tháng 4, 2016
A guy goes to a supermarket to buy food...
A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter. The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?" "Yes, it's at home," replies the man. "To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy," says the cashier.
Next day the man goes places two cans of cat food on the counter. "Do you own a cat sir?" asks the cashier. "Yes I do, it's at home," says the man. "Well I am sorry sir. Store policy. I must see the cat before I can sell you cat food," says the cashier.
The next day the man returns to the store and walks directly to the same cashier. He has a brown paper bag in his hand. "Here," he says to the cashier, "put your hand in here." The cashier puts her hand in the brown paper bag. "It is all soft and warm," she says. "Yes, that's right," says the man, "I need to buy two rolls of toilet paper."
A young girl goes to a priest to confess...
"Forgive me father, because I have sinned", the girl said.
"What did you do, my child" the priest replied
"Well, I told a guy he is a bastard"
"And why did you do that?"
"Well, because he touched me..."
"Like this?" And the father started touching the girl.
"Yes like that"
"But that's no reason to call someone a bastard, isn't it?"
"No" she replied "But then he started to touch my boobs"
"Like this?" And the father started touching the girl's boobs
"Yes like that father" she moaned silently
"But that's no reason to call someone a bastard, my child"
"But then he started to take off my clothes"
"Like this?" He asked while removing her clothes
"Yes like that!"
"But that's still no reason to call him that"
"No, but then he put his you know in my you know..." the girl said
"Just like this?" And he started to put his you know in her you know...
"Yes Father, Yes yes yes father" screamed the girl
(after a couple of minutes)
"But that's still no reason to call him a bastard" the priest said
"But then he said he had AIDS!"
"Fuckin' bastard"
Thứ Sáu, 15 tháng 4, 2016
I am Pierre
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!"
She smiles and they start kissing. Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts. "Pierre! What are you doing now?" asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"
She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me much lower!"
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.
Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE F#@K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
Our hero stands and says defiantly, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"
A mexican kid tells D. Trump:
I want to be President! Trump says: are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of tour mind? Are you retarded? Kid says: you know what, never mind those are too many requirements.
Why is Pokemon quite realistic?
Because in the games, Bug-types are effective against Dark-types. Just like malaria in Africa.
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