I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

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My girlfriend got a tattoo of a shell on her thigh

Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea.

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A Fully-Portable Desk Made For All You Techies Out There

A Fully-Portable Desk Made For All You Techies Out There
This sleek workstation is designed to handle all your tech essentials (laptop, phone, mouse and tablet) and has an integrated handle for traveling anywhere from the airport to the park.

April 16, 2016 at 08:39PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/1V8GFeh

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I used to by my dad a neck tie on father's day, but now I buy him an Asian hooker.

It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use.

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I heard the Pope's first choice for a guest was in fact Hillary...

But he couldn't afford her speaking fees

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A couple of Irishmen are walking down a country road . . .

They see a sign that says "Tree Fellers wanted".

One of them turns to the other and says, "Dammit. Too bad there's only two of us."

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Little girl: "Grandma, make a noise like a frog." Grandma: "Why?"

Little girl: "Cause daddy says we'll make a lot of money when you croak."

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