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Thứ Ba, 28 tháng 6, 2016

Two Italian men get on a bus...

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

My girlfriend told me to give her nine inches and make it hurt.

So I fucked her three times and punched her in the face.

Are you made from Na, selenium and xenon?

Because you are sodium SeXe.

Edit: I have yet to zinc of another chemistry joke.

Why can't some snakes get boners?

Because they have a reptile dysfunction.

A photon walks into a hotel

The desk clerk says, "Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?" The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

John murders his wife

Shortly after he is hiding the body and his neighbor, Jeff, comes round and sees what’s happening. John quickly tackles Jeff to the ground and ties him up.

“Please” Jeff pleads, “let me live and I won’t tell a soul.”

Knowing Jeff was a man of his word and not wanting to have two murders on his hands, John let’s Jeff go free.

A few months later after a policy enquiry John is called into court for murder. As he walks in he sees Jeff in the witness stand and looks at the Judge.

“Fuck” he whispers to his lawyer.

“What’s wrong?” the lawyer asks

“I made that witness promise he wouldn’t tell a soul about what he saw.

“So what’s the problem?” the lawyer asks again

“The judge is a fucking ginger.”