Because the grass tickles their balls
Thứ Năm, 30 tháng 6, 2016
A very attractive, well dressed, woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs.
She looks around and finds the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to feel the texture of the rug, she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a salesperson doesn’t pop up right now.
As she turns back, there, standing next to her, is a salesman. “Good day Miss, how may we help you today?”
Very uncomfortably she asks, “Sir, how much does this rug costs?”
He answers, “Lady, if you farted just touching it, you’re gonna shit your pants when you hear what the price is!”
A man got lost on a camping trip
A man got lost on a camping trip. Rescuers scoured the wilderness until a medical emergency team finally spotted a solitary figure across a wide chasm.
“Charlie Smith,” someone shouted,” “is that you?”
“Yes, it is,” came the reply. “Who are you?”
“We're from the Red Cross.”
“I gave at the office!” Charlie shouted back.
Dead again..
During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
Royal Wedding
On the day of the Royal wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all of her family. She suddenly realised she had forgotten to get any shoes. Panic! Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sophie's feet was hurting real bad. When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off. The rest of the Family crowded around the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward say 'God, that was tight.' 'There,' whispered the Queen. 'I told you she was a virgin.' Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. 'Right. Now for the other one.' Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said. 'My God. That was even tighter.' 'That's my boy,' said the Duke. 'Once a sailor, always a sailor.
A father has a conversation with his twin sons.
One day sick of hiding in the closet the two boys decide to come out to their father. They sit their 67 year old father into his favourite lazy boy and bring him his pipe.
The dad amicably addresses his sons. "Well, what do you want, boys?" The first son brings sits down after seeing he's in a good mood and starts. "Dad... I'm gay. My friend and I have been dating for eight months. I want your blessing."
The Dad smiles taking a drag out of his pipe. "Kid, I've known you were gay since you were four. What's best is you accept yourself and I'm glad you've gained the confidence to..."
The second son relieved decides to come out of the closet as well. "D, dad. I'm a brony. I want to be with Princess Celestia and one day I..."
The father sighs and interrupts his second son.
"Can't you just like dicks like your brother? Why do you have to be such a faggot, boy?"
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