"...one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
Thứ Sáu, 8 tháng 7, 2016
Hilary Clinton dies
While walking down the street one day a corrupt Hillary Clinton was tragically hit by a car and died.
Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says Hillary Clinton.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says Hillary Clinton.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts her to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and she finds herself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all her friends and other politicians who had worked with her.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet her, shake her hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before Hillary Clinton realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives her a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for her, "Now it's time to visit heaven...
So, 24 hours passed with that Hillary Clinton joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before she realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
Clinton reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have said it, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."
So, Saint Peter escorts her to the elevator and she goes down, down, down to Hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and she is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. She sees all of her friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The devil comes over to her and grins menacingly.
"I don't understand," stammer Hilary. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable."
The devil looks at Hilary, smiles and says,
"Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"
A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer"
A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer " The policeman disperses the crowd and begins to interrogate the suspect.
The policeman :" Tell me what happened. "
The suspect :" Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to crash the car into a group of 12 people or to swerve into a single person. Am I a monster for deciding to swerve into the single person? "
Policeman :" No, that sounds like a difficult yet reasonable decision. But tell me how did you end up killing 13 people? "
Suspect :" Well that selfish guy ran towards the other 12."
Thứ Năm, 7 tháng 7, 2016
A guy with a Speech impediment walks into a jeweller's
And asks for a cock.
The jeweller thinks for a moment and asks "You mean a clock?".
The man replies "That's what I said", and buys the clock, and leaves to continue shopping.
He's now getting a little hungry so he walks into a bakers.
The man asks for a bum.
The baker, a little confused, thinks for a moment and asks "Do you mean a bun?".
The man replies "That's what I said.".
The man gets his bun and leaves the bakers.
He then goes to a train station and asks for a licket.
The assistant is confused until the man points to what he wants.
The assistant replies "Ah, you want a Ticket."
The man buys the Train Ticket and continues on to the Train Platform to wait for his Train
A Women walks up to him and asks "Do you have the time?"
The man replies, "Of course. Just hold my bum and licket while I get my cock out."
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