Because he doesn't want a total stranger making 90% of his decisions.
Thứ Sáu, 22 tháng 7, 2016
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes...
...and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!"
Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself."
She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?"
She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
What's a Freudian slip?
Two old men are playing a round of golf. One says, "in my old age, I find myself making more Freudian slips." The other says "what's a Freudian slip"?
The first man says, "is when you intend to say one thing, but actually say what you were really thinking. Like the other day, I had a new secretary, as I was leaving the office, I meant to say 'see you next time' but actually said 'knee you sex time'. It was really just embarrassing."
The other man says, "oh, yeah, I have Freudian slips all the time, then. Just this morning my wife made eggs and bacon. I meant to ask her to pass the salt, but instead I said "you bitch, you've ruined my life."
An old married couple were driving through Arizona
They were traveling from Texas to California when an Arizona highway patrolman pulled them over. "Afternoon sir, license and registration please." "WHAT'D HE SAY?!", screams the old lady. "HE NEEDS MY LICENSE!", replies the old man. The patrolman chuckles and says, "I'll be right back." "WHAT'D HE SAY?!" "HE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!" After a moment, the patrolman returns- "I see you're from Texas. I used to date this obnoxious nag out there till she went batshit crazy!" "WHAT'D HE SAY?!", screams the old lady. "HE SAID HE KNOWS YA!!", replies the grinning old man.
The guy at the bar
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Thứ Năm, 21 tháng 7, 2016
People say to me Jesus was not Jewish
I say ofcourse he was Jewish
- 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
- Working in his father's business
- His mother thought he was God's gift
He's Jewish. Give it up
by Robin Willams
Happy Birthday Robin!
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