Give him a used tampon and ask which period it's from.
Thứ Tư, 31 tháng 8, 2016
An old couple driving are pulled over by a state trooper...
The state trooper asks the old woman, "do you have any idea how fast you were going?"
The old woman who could barely see over the steering wheel is hard at hearing and replies, "what?"
The husband sitting next to her says , "he said do you have any idea how fast you were going?" to which she replies, "no."
The state trooper then says to the old woman, "ma'am, I need to see your drivers license."
The old woman replies, "what?" To which her husband says, "he needs to see your drivers license". The old woman says ,"ok" and hands the trooper her license.
The trooper looks at the license and sees that she was from Macon Georgia. The trooper says, "I see you're from Macon, I used to date a woman from Macon back during the war. She was the worst damn lover I ever had".
The old woman who is hard at hearing says, "what?"
The husband leans over and says, "HE SAID HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!"
A young family moved into a house that was next door to an empty plot of land
Not long after, a group of builders turned up to start building on the plot.
The family's five-year-old daughter took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking to the workmen. She hung around and eventually the builders adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. They even gave the girl her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.
At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with an envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was listening to the little girl tell her about her “work” on the building site and the fact she had a “pay packet”. “You must have worked very hard to earn all this,” said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, “Yes, I worked every day with Gary, Kevin and Bob. We're building a big house.”
“Oh wow,” said the cashier, “and will you be working on the house again next week?”
The child thought for a moment. Then replied: “I hope so. Provided those wankers at Jewsons deliver the fucking bricks.”
A guy's phone rings in the gym
A guy is pushing through his usual workout routine in the gym when the phone goes off.
"Hello?"
"Hi honey! I just saw that dress I wanted -- it's on sale for only $2,000! We can save almost 900 dollars! Can we get it, pleeeease?"
"Sure honey, anything you want."
"Oh my god, really? Thank you!!!! And the man at the Lexus dealership called and says he can give it to us for $90,000. What should I tell him?"
"Sure honey, sounds good. Make sure everything is included."
"Wow you mean it?! You're the best! Oh, and one more thing! They called about the house again, they are asking for $400,000."
"Tell them $380,000 and see what they say."
"Wow!! Okay!! Thank you sooooo much, I love you honey! I'll see you when I get home -- in our brand new Lexus~!"
"Sounds great. I love you too, honey. Talk to you later. Bye bye."
The man hangs up, finishes his set, and after a moment he stands up and says, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"
Why Won't Apple Fix The iPhone's One Huge Design Flaw?
Why Won't Apple Fix The iPhone's One Huge Design Flaw?
If Apple focused on building a more rugged product, it could likely make an unbreakable — or at least far less breakable — iPhone screen.
August 30, 2016 at 08:40PM
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