Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven.
Thứ Hai, 7 tháng 11, 2016
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend....
She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
A prostitute goes to the doctor
Prostitute: "it's too wide, the guys don't like it anymore, I wanna make it tighter"
Doctor: "no problem, but I have to see it first"
She undresses and shows him.
Doctor: "What's this?" "What's this?" "What's this?"
Prostitute: "Why'd you say it 3 times?"
Doctor: "I said it once but the rest echoed"
Two soldiers are sitting on opposite sides of a river
They do not understand each other's language. The one on the east side(american) calls to the other "how did you get over there did you parachute or did you swim?" All the while he made a signal with his arms of a parachute coming down and swung his arms as if swimming. Then he proceeds to say "I see you have a gun can you hit with it?" He Thrusts a finger into a closed fist as if it is a bullet. Then,finally he says,"I see you have binoculars and are watching me" he cups his hands around his eyes like binoculars.
The other soldier jumps up,runs back to base and tell his Commanding Officer "We have to leave the Americans are batshit crazy,one of them signaled me: when the sun goes down I will swim across the river and fuck you till your eyes pop out
A rough and tough cowboy...
A rough and tough cowboy just finished his drink in an Old Western tavern. He stood up and walked outside, but a few seconds later he barreled back through the door.
With a mean look on his face and anger in his eyes, he said, "I'm gonna sit back down and have me another drink, and if my horse ain't back where I left it by the time I'm done, I'm gonna have to do what I did back in Texas. And I REALLY don't wanna have to do what I done back in Texas!" So he sat back down, finished his second drink, and walked back outside. Sure enough, his horse was tied back up to its post, just where he left it. But right before he left, one of the scared patrons stopped him, and timidly asked,
"Mister...what was it that you had to do back in Texas?"
So the cowboy looked him straight in the eye and said,
"I had to walk home."
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