I looked at her, my eyes widened, and said, "Don't do it!"
"Why the hell not?!" she yelled.
I said, "They aren't running today."
Thứ Bảy, 10 tháng 12, 2016
Thứ Sáu, 9 tháng 12, 2016
Wife dreamed that she was attending a dick auction...
Wife : "I dreamed they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."
Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"
Wife : "They gave those away."
Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamed they were auctioning off vaginas. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."
Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"
Husband : "That's where they held the auction."
Marrying a Canadian woman
Three friends married women from different parts of the world.
The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Canada. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he pees.
A man sees an armless woman crying on the beach...
He walks over to her and says "I'm sorry but I couldn't help but notice you were crying, what seems to be the problem?" The woman replies "well, it's just that in my whole life, I've never been kissed" So the man, being the smooth gentleman that he is, bends down and kisses her softly on the lips. The woman cracks a smile but then goes back to crying. The man asks, "oh no, what seems to be the problem now my dear?" The woman replies, "well, it's just that in my whole life, I've never been fucked" So the man reaches down, and picks her up in his arms, and swiftly tosses her into the ocean saying "well your fucked now!"
Catholic priest joke
A priest kept chickens at his village. One evening, one of them went missing. At the church mass prayer gathering the priest asked:
-Who has a cock?
All the men got up
-No, I mean who has seen a cock?
All the men and women got up
-No, no, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?
All the women got up
-Oh, for heavens sake, who has seen my cock
All the nuns got up
The boys choir, also, slowly got up
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