But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
Chủ Nhật, 11 tháng 12, 2016
The future is always here.
The future is always here.
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December 10, 2016 at 08:09PM
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There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, Your wife fell three times this week."
George W. Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump were all leaving Washington D.C. and going the same direction, so they decided to take Air Force 1.
Unfortunately, due to a mechanical malfunction, Air Force 1 crashed, killing all aboard.
So Bush, Obama, and Trump approached the pearly gates, where God sat on his throne.
“Tell me, what do you believe in?” God asked Mr. Bush.
“I believe in education and free trade,” was the reply.
“Excellent. Take a seat here on my right,” God said.
“Now tell me, Mr. Obama, what do you believe in?” God asked.
“I believe in equal rights for all and universal healthcare,” Obama replied.
“Very good. Take a seat to my left,” God instructed.
“And Mr. Trump, what do you believe in?” God queried.
“I believe you are sitting in my seat,” Trump shot back.
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each o'me brothers and one for me self."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that m’ wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. But it hasn't affected me brothers, though."
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