So they can Scandinavian.
Thứ Ba, 14 tháng 2, 2017
A Man Escapes From Prison
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
The gorilla at the zoo died, and to cover it up the zoo owners made one of the workers wear a gorilla suit and act the part.
The guy adjusted quickly to the role and through his crazy antics soon became one of the most popular exhibits in the zoo.
One day, he was swinging from his rope, going higher and higher as a crowd of excited children cheered. Suddenly, the rope snapped and the gorilla-man flew out of the enclosure into the neighbouring lion pen!
Everyone freaked out and started screaming as the lion advanced on him. "Save me, I'm a man!! SAVE ME, I'M A MAN!" he shrieked, but no one heard him over the crowd.
The lion pounced on top of him, pinning him to the ground. He knew it was over, but he tried one more time to call for help. "HELP!! I'M NOT A GORILLA, I'M A-"
A huge paw clamped down over his mouth. " Shut up already, the lion hissed, "before we both lose our jobs!"
Thứ Hai, 13 tháng 2, 2017
The alien vessel landed quietly on St Peter's square in Rome...
A hatch opened and two little grey men with dazzling smiles appeared. They were promptly granted an audience with the Pope.
After a brief discussion about the weather, the Pope said, "I know this question may sound odd to you, but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!" exclaimed the slightly taller of two aliens. "Of course we do! He visits our planet every two years or so. Awesome fellow!"
A hush descended on the audience chamber, and everyone watched the Pope, whose face had turned a rather odd purple.
"Every two years?" he shouted. "We're still waiting for his second coming!"
"Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?" suggested the alien.
"Chocolate?" replied the Pope. "What in heaven's name does chocolate have to do with it?"
"Well," said the alien. "When he came to our planet, we gave him chocolate. Why, what did you do?"
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