Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth
Thứ Tư, 1 tháng 3, 2017
Buying My First Condoms
I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.
I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.
She fainted.”
The word DEFINITELY...
One day in class, the teacher was teaching the kids the vocabulary word of the day.
"Ok class, the word for the day is definitely. Can anyone use it in a sentence?" she asked.
Straight A's Sally in the front row raises her hand and says, "The tree is definitely green."
"Sorry Sally," says the teacher "but since the tree has a brown trunk it is not definitely green. Anyone else?"
Timmy in the middle of the class raises his hand and says, "The sky is definitely blue."
"Sorry Timmy, but since there are clouds in the sky it can't be definitely blue. Anyone else?"
After a few minutes little Johnny in the back row raises his hand and says, "Is a fart wet?"
The teacher says, "Excuse me? What was that Johnny?"
Johnny replies, "Is a fart wet?"
"Well no." The teacher says.
To which Johnny replied, "Well then I definitely shit my pants."
An engineer dies and is sent to hell
He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels. One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up? The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer." "What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately." The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him." God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!" The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
The Real Difference Between Google And Apple
The Real Difference Between Google And Apple
Apple is driven largely by a centralized development structure, stemming from its fabled design studio, whereas Google has a more distributed, open-source approach to new products.
February 28, 2017 at 07:55PM
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