Because instead of going to one store, you're going to them all.
Thứ Sáu, 3 tháng 3, 2017
An elderly man walks into a confessional.
Man: “I am 92 years old, had a wonderful wife of 70 years who recently passed away, many children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two hitch-hiking college girls. We went to a motel where I had sex with each of them three times.”
Priest: “Are you sorry for your sins?”
Man: “What sins?”
Priest: “What kind of a Catholic are you?”
Man: “I'm Jewish.”
Priest: “Why are you telling me all this?”
Man: “I'm 92 years old…I'm telling everybody!”
Thứ Năm, 2 tháng 3, 2017
Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.
Before anyone knew it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings." With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.
The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair.
"Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that.
The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said, "Hmm, the third hole from the right."
"Wrong," said the idiot, "From my asshole."
And the idiot went to heaven.
Reddit, Imgur and 9gag walk in to a bar.
Reddit orders a beer. Two days later Imgur orders a beer. Four days later this joke has a 9gag watermark on it.
A plane crashes with an english man, a french man and a russian inside.
The plane crashes into the jungle, and the three men are found by a cannibal native tribe.
The leader of the tribe says to them: "If you pass the three challenges I assign you with, I'll let you live. If you fail, we'll eat you."
The three challenges were:
Drink 1000 litres of wine
Pull a thorn out of the great lion's foot
Have sex with the tribe leader's 100 yr old mother.
The english man goes first. He barely drinks half the wine, and he passes out. He gets eaten
The french man is second. He drinks and drinks and drinks, but when he's almost at the end, he passes out as well. They eat him as well.
The russian goes third. He drinks all the wine, and then he goes into the lion's room.
Screams and roars are heard, and after about 3 hours, the russian man comes out with tons of scratches and injuries.
He says to the tribe's leader:"Alright, where's your mother so I can pull the thorn out of her foot?"
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