Patient: Well, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.
Posted on behalf of /r/ScottishPeopleTwitter's comment section
Thứ Tư, 26 tháng 4, 2017
Whats the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief?
An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"
A professional thief says, "Sign here please.."
Everything You Need to Know About Ejecting From a Fighter Jet
Everything You Need to Know About Ejecting From a Fighter Jet
You better tuck in your knees and elbows, because if anything hits the side of the cockpit on the way out, it's coming off.
April 25, 2017 at 11:35PM
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The Gorilla and the King of the Jungle
The gorilla was strolling through the jungle when he came upon a lion sinking in a pool of quicksand.
"Save me, gorilla!" Shouted the lion. "Drowning in the quicksand is no way for the king of the jungle to die!"
The gorilla quickly grabbed the lion by the rear and started pounding him in the ass.
When he finished he yanked the lion from the quicksand, tossed him as far as he could, and ran for his life.
The lion was furious and gave chase. The gorilla had to die before anybody could find out what happened.
After time the gorilla could run no more and the lion was gaining on him. He quickly sat down on a log, crossed his legs, and opened a newspaper to cover his face.
A split second later, there was the lion.
"Excuse me, sir, did you happen to see a gorilla run by?"
The gorilla couldn't help himself.
"Oh, you mean the one that ass fucked the king of the jungle?"
"Oh God!" Roared the lion "It's in the paper ALREADY?!"
My daughter came home today and said "Dad, I'd like you to meet my new boyfriend Mike."
"Are you kidding me?!" I said, "What the fuck are you doing with this ugly loser? Don't scrape the barrel, you can do much better than this."
"Dad!!" my daughter screamed, "Mike is lovely!"
"I know." I replied "I was talking to him."
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