Unlike some people
Thứ Tư, 19 tháng 7, 2017
A man is cleaning out his house and finds a pile of old New York Post papers.
He decides he doesn't have any use for them, and goes to the local recycling center to dispose of them.
He sees the first recycling bin, marked "Glass". The man says, "No, this won't do. I need a different bin."
He sees the second recycling bin, marked "Plastic". The man says, "No, this won't do. I need a different bin."
He sees the third recycling bin, marked "Paper". The man says, "No, this won't do. I need a different bin."
He sees the fourth recycling bin. marked "r/Jokes". The man says, "Oh, finally. Somewhere I can recycle all my old Posts."
...And That's When I Lost It.
I rear-ended a midget the other day with my car. I didn't know he was a midget when I ran into him. I got out to apologize, expecting a normal size driver, and when I saw the midget climb out of his car and start walking back toward me with his grumpy face, I just about lost it. I can't help it, I laugh when I'm nervous, and he just looked so funny marching back toward me.
So anyways, I'm doing everything I can to avoid cracking up because I know it's only going to make it worse if I start laughing at him after I've already dented his car. Well he looks at me with a very stern face and he can tell I'm not taking him very seriously.
"There's nothing funny about this." He said.
"I know." I replied.
"I'm not happy." He stated.
"Well then which one are you?"
A Chinese doctor opens his own clinic
A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside :
'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."
Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."
Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."
Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."
Chinese: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."
Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"
Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
Typical White Man
An Indian scouting party captures a cowboy from a bar and brings him back to their camp to meet the chief.
The chief says to the cowboy, "You going die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. At sundown third day, you die. What first wish?"
The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse."
The indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the back.
The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy.
The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man... only think one thing."
The second day, the chief says, "What wish today?" The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the back.
Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy.
The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man going die tomorrow ... can only think one thing."
The last day comes, and the chief says, "This last wish, white man. What want?" The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips you idiot! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)