Roe vs Wade is in the news again.

Right now, it's the two main forms of Houston transportation

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My neighbour asked if I'd been stealing clothes off her washing line

I nearly shit her pants

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Three friends are fishing when a crocodile comes ashore and grants them three wishes...

The first friend says "I wish I could catch a huge marlin"

The crocodile swims away for a moment, then comes back. The friend then pulls in a massive marlin.

"Amazing!" Says the second friend "Well you know what? I wish I were rich"

The crocodile then swims underwater and fetches a treasure chest full of money and gold and gives it to him.

"INCREDIBLE!" says the third friend "I've got a better one, I wish my penis touched the ground!"

The crocodile bites his legs off.

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Many people are surprised by the engagement of Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian, but not me.

If I founded reddit I'd be searching for better servers too.

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What did the two tampons say to each other?

Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts.

I literally traded a homeless guy a cigarette for that joke. Worth it.

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Confederate statues these days...

[removed]

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So I've been talking to this cute 14 year old and now she's telling me she's an undercover cop

How fucking cool is that for someone her age?

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