One man in the crowd then yelled "Yes, but is it the Catholic god you don't believe in or the Protestant one?"
Thứ Sáu, 6 tháng 10, 2017
Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."
Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."
Thứ Năm, 5 tháng 10, 2017
A man goes to the movie theatre with his duck...
A man goes to the movie theatre with his duck. The ticket agent looks at the man and then at the duck, which is on a leash. The ticket agent states that the duck is not permitted in the theatre. The man explains that the duck is his service pet. However, because he didn’t have his service pet certification on him, the duck wasn’t allowed in.
The man then goes to the side of the theatre and stuffs the duck down the front of his pants. With no duck to be seen, the ticket agent allows the man in. The theatre was packed and the man ends up sitting next to two old ladies.
About twenty minutes into the movie the duck was getting uncomfortable and hot so the man unzips his pants to let the duck breath. The duck sticks out his head and starts looking around. One old lady nudges the other lady and exclaims, “Hey, this guy next to me just unzipped his pants.” The lady furthest away says, “Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all”. The other lady replies, “Yes, that’s what I thought, but this one’s eating my popcorn”.
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States...
Wandering aimlessly and starving, They are about to lie down and accept their death when all of a sudden Luis says.........
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, candied bacon, smoked bacon ... In fact there is every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe, we are saved! Issa bacon tree."
"Luis, maybe it's a mirage? We're in the desert, don't forget."
"Pepe, since when did you ever hear of a mirage that smells like bacon...its no mirage, it's a bacon tree."
And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to about 5 meters away, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun open fires on them and Luis drops like a wet sock. Luis, mortally wounded, warns Pepe with his dying breath,
"Pepe... Go back man, you was right, its not a bacon tree!"
"Luis, Luis mi amigo... What is it? "
"Pepe.. its not a bacon tree. Its
Its
Its
Its
Its a ham bush!"
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