Thanks for nothing.
Thứ Sáu, 13 tháng 10, 2017
Two Jews are walking past a church
Two Jews are walking past a church. The signboard reads "Convert to Christianity today and earn $100!"
The first Jew says, "What a load of crap. Proselytizing schmucks!"
The second Jew says, "I don't know, one hundred dollars is one hundred dollars."
"You can't be serious," says the first guy.
"Watch me," says the second guy and he goes into the church. About half an hour later he comes back out.
"Well?" says his friend. "Did they give you the one hundred dollars?"
The second guy says, "Oh, it's always about the money with you people!"
So a line of women are before a priest before they become nuns
As the first one approaches the priest asks if she’s ever come in contact with a penis. She says “Yes I once saw a penis.”
The priest says “Wash your eyes with holy water and go on to the seminary sister.”
The second approaches and states she has once touched a penis. The priest says “Wash your hands with holy water and go on to the seminary sister.”
Suddenly there is a lot of commotion in the line. The priest asks what is going on. One of the women yells, “If I’m going to have to gargle the holy water, I want to go before Mary-Katherine washes her ass with it!”
God is funny
A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?"
God said yes.
The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?"
God said yes.
The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?"
God said, "Sure, just a second."
A texan walks into an Irish bar
and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Ten minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 10 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".
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