Take a flute and shove it up your ass....
Thứ Năm, 30 tháng 11, 2017
The man came home early from work to find his wife lying naked on the bed, crying her eyes out.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “I’ve got nothing to wear to the dance tomorrow night,” she sobbed. “Oh come on now! You’ve plenty of clothes,” and with that he went over to the wardrobe. “See here, there’s the nice pink dress, the pale blue skirt, the yellow cocktail dress, hi there Tom, the green silk gown…”...
Thứ Tư, 29 tháng 11, 2017
A little 8yo boy, shows up to a whorehouse with a dead frog and demands to see the madame.
An elderly woman comes out and asks what she can do for him. He explains that he wishes to pay for the services of the cheapest girl in the house, but that she absolutely must have herpes. The madame, of course, initially refuses, but the boy cries and cries until she gives in.
Out comes Tiffany, the most decrepit broad you've ever seen, and the madame says to the boy "It's $20 for an hour with Tiffany, but you have to leave the dead frog outside."
The boy agrees.
An hour later the boy comes out from the back, beaming from ear to ear, and collects...
Lady & her $130k Mercedes
A lady bought a new $130,000 Mercedes-AMG GT car and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and angrily began to complain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need...
A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...
"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."...
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar
They are about to sit down when the bartender says: “It costs $60 to sit on the chair.” The priest and the rabbi say “That’s absurd! What’s the reason for this charge?” The bartender says “Well the goal is to provide patrons with a sense of pride and accompli—“
The priest and the rabbi throw themselves at the bartender and beat him to death, because enough of the damn EA jokes already....
An old man is at passport control in Paris
He is going through his bag for his passport. The woman on passport control asks him 'Have you visited France before?'
'Yes' replied the old man.
Sarcastically she responds 'Well surely you'd should know to have your passport ready...' to which he answers 'I didn't have to show it last time'
'Impossible!!' she bellowed.
The old man looks her straight in the eye and says 'Last time, when I landed on D Day in 1944, I couldn't find a fucking Frenchman to give it to'...
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