The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach

unless he’s a vegetarian.

Then you can get there through his vagina.

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Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

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2 reasons I don't give money to homeless people

1. They would spend it on alcohol.
2. I want to spend it on alcohol.

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What's the difference between Roy Moore and an Anti-Vaxxer?

The Anti-vaxxer is against sticking it in kids

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A cop stops a miner for speeding on the highway

COP: Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?

Miner: mine

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You really ought to hear this joke about Net Neutrality now.

Or you'll pay for it later.

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I have OCD which severely affects my sex life.

Every time a girl gets turned on, I turn them off again.

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