The bartender says, “What’ll it be, Mr. President?”
Chủ Nhật, 24 tháng 12, 2017
Catholics fail trigonometry because they're afraid of sin
Irish people fail trigonometry because they can't tan.
Everyone else fails trigonometry just cos.
Thứ Bảy, 23 tháng 12, 2017
An old lady was stopped for speeding
Police officer: I'm sorry, but I think you were driving a bit too fast?
Old lady: What?! No, that can't be true!
Police officer: Can I see your drivers license?
Old lady: No, I don't have it anymore. I lost it 4 years ago when driving while drunk!
Police officer: Well.. Can I see the car's registration?
Old lady: Umm. I don't have that either. The car is stolen.
Police officer: Okay... So who did you steal it from?
Old lady: I don't really know his name. I shot him, cut him into pieces and put him in the back of the car.
Police officer(shaken): One moment madam.
The police officer returns to his car to call for backup. A few moments later three police cars show up, along with the police captain. The police captain walks up to the car.
Police captain: Excuse me madam. My police officer told me you have a dead man in your car?
Old lady: Whaat? No that isn't true!
Police captain: Do you mind if I check?
Old lady: Sure, go ahead!
The police captain checks and finds no dead body. He returns to the window.
Police captain: Well, that was odd. He told me you had killed someone to steal the car. Do you have the car's registration?
Old lady: Sure! Here it is!
She hands him the cars registration.
Police captain: How about your driving license?
Old lady: Yup, here you go.
Hands him her driving license as well.
Police captain: Well this is odd. My police officer told me that you didn't have a driving license, nor the registration for the car!
Old lady: What?! Well then I bet the liar also told you that I was speeding?!
Son: Dad, why is my sister named Teresa?
Dad: She's named after something your mother loves, Easter! It's an anagram.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: No problem Alan.
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