Funny Story

FunnyStory about animals and all around the world

Chủ Nhật, 31 tháng 12, 2017

A girl is having sex with her boyfriend [NSFW]

At her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them. "Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "... I'm sorry" The dad being a dad replies "Hi Sorry! I'm Dad!" He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking Sorry?"...

Kid1: Hey Dad why am I called lily?

Dad: Because a lily petal fell on your head when you were a baby. Kid2: Hey Dad why am I called rose? Dad: Because a rose petal fell on your head when you were a baby. Kid3: herdurrrrahduhrgh#%*? Dad: Shut up Cinderblock...

What do you call a Jewish clown?

Pennywise...

A Mother superior and two novices were killed in a bus crash.

They soon found themselves at the pearly gates. St. Peter greeted all three. "Welcome sisters, Mother superior. What a great honor to have you here." he said. Then a little more softly, he said. "Unfortunately, we've had a few people slipping into heaven disguised as nuns. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you some skill testing questions." The first novice stepped up bravely and said "Ask your question St. Peter. I'm not afraid." "Well then" St. Peter said. "Who were the first man and woman and where did they live?" The novice's face brightened. "Oh...

I don't understand why dogs are called "Man's best friend."

Even my worst enemy wouldn't take a shit in my yard while staring me in the eye....

Don’t be a Donald.

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The first passenger said “I am a doctor on the verge of discovering a cure for cancer. I simply must survive so that millions of others may live”. And with that, the good doctor took one of the parachutes and jumped. The 2nd passenger, Donald, said, 'I am the newly-elected US President, I won by the biggest margin ever, the American people adore me and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die.' He took the 2nd pack...

I bought a box of condoms earlier today

The cashier asked if I'd like a bag. I said nah, I'll just turn the lights off....