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Chủ Nhật, 21 tháng 1, 2018

Two statues, a man and woman, had stood watch in a park for along time.

One day, an angel came down and told the statues, "You two have stood watch in this park for so long and have been such exemplary statues, as a reward, I will snap my fingers, and you two will come to life for 30 minutes." The angel snapped his fingers, and the two statues blinked to life.

"What do we do now?" Asked the female statue.

"You can do whatever you want for the next 30 minutes."

The male statue looked at the woman and smiled, the woman looked coyly at the man, they took hands and walked into the bushes. The angel sat on a bench and could hear giggling and rustling sounds coming from the bushes.

After about 15 minutes, they came out with very satisfied looks on their faces. The angel checked his watch and said, "you've still got about 15 minutes."

The woman's eyes brightened, and she looked excitedly at her male partner.

"That's fantastic! This time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on his head!"

Remember in Monopoly, when some insufferable kids couldn't agree who was banker, they'd refuse to play completely?

Welcome to the shutdown...

I wanted to fuck my neighbors wife

I've always felt an irresistible attraction for the neighbor next door.

One day, when speaking to her husband, he said: "I need to have my apartment painted, but I work all day and I get tired. I tried to hire a professional painter but the guy asked me for the an arm and a leg ..."

At that moment, I just had a brilliant idea.

"Don't sweat it, neighbor! I'm on vacation and painting walls is my favorite hobby! It would be a pleasure to do this task."

The guy accepted the offer and was really happy.

I don't want to brag about my conversation skills, but I barely started to paint the apartment and I already had that woman in bed with me.

But, bad luck... We were just starting and I did not expect the husband to forget his documents and that, for that reason, he had to return home at that specific moment.

The woman, listening to her husband opening the door, runs to the bathroom, and the guy enters the room and finds me, naked, at the top of the ladder, giving a few strokes on the wall.

Screaming, he asked,

-"What the fuck is this? ... You started painting in my bedroom, and naked?" -"Fuck you, I'm working for free, so I start wherever I want!" -"But naked? ..." -"You really wanted me to stain my new clothes with paint?" -"And with a boner, you son of a bitch?" -"And where am I going to hang the fucking bucket asshole ?! ..."

How The Women's March Has Evolved A Year Later


How The Women's March Has Evolved A Year Later
A deluge of revelations about powerful men abusing women, leading to the #MeToo moment, has galvanized activists to demand deeper social and political change.

January 21, 2018 at 01:43AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2DTYjh5

The Two Nuns

There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. But the man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split up. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the pair split up, with Sister Mathematical heading towards the convent and Sister Logical running away from it. Making a quick decision, the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. But a few short minutes later, Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.....

Genie: Tell Me, Whats Your First Wish?

Thomas: I Wish I Was Rich.

Genie: Granted, What's Your Second Wish?

Rich: Where The Fuck Is My Money Asshole?

Son: "Dad, how high is that building?"

Building: "Why am I called a building if I'm already built?"

Dad: "Pretty damn high."