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Thứ Bảy, 27 tháng 1, 2018

What do you call a female peacock?

A peacunt

Money or Sex which one?

A woman preparing to leave her husband casually informs him, "I'm going to become a hooker. I can make $300 for what I give you for free." "I'm coming with you," the man replies. "I want to see you live on $600 a year."

Two clowns are eating a cannibal.

One turns to the other and says, "Um, I think we got this joke wrong."

Where Are All the Vegetarian TV Shows?


Where Are All the Vegetarian TV Shows?
Chefs who'd rather not cook with meat for whatever reason shouldn't be made to feel like they're showing up with a rubber knife to a gunfight.

January 27, 2018 at 02:37AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2Gn5Gyr

I told my son, “You will marry the girl I choose.”

He said, “NO!”

I told him, “She is Bill Gates’ daughter.”

He said, “OK.”

I called Bill Gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son.”

Bill Gates said, “NO.”

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.”

Bill Gates said, “OK.”

I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

He said, “NO.”

I told him, “My son is Bill Gates’ son-in-law.”

He said, “OK.”

This is how politics works.

I took my daughter out for her first drink...

While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink. Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house. I got her a Guinness. She didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got her a Killian's she didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought she might like some Harp Lager? She didn't. I drank it. I thought maybe she'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope! In desperation, I had her try that 25 year old Glenfiddich. The bar's finest scotch. She wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it! By the time I realized she just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push her stroller back home!!!

I googled "Rorschach Test"

But all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting