I spent my whole life being proud of my British heritage, until I found out that my great grandfather was actually from Transylvania...

Now I can’t even look myself in the mirror...

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A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away

As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan.

They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 5 more years and then dies.

They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

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What makes a good tongue-twister?

Well, it's hard to say...

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Usually when I get naked in the bath room

The shower gets turned on

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I've a great fear of speed bumps

but I'm slowly getting over it.

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A son says: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay.

Mom: Stares at Dad

Dad: Clenches fist

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: Sweats Profusely

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"

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A man is walking through a graveyard when he sees another man squatting next to a grave. "Morning!" he calls out.

"No, just having a shit!"

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